A Faith Journey

I love it when God wakes me up in the mornings with insight into our lives together.  and. I hate it when God wakes me up in the mornings with insight into our lives together..

3:42 a.m. is awful early to hear any voice - even if it's God's voice.

None the less, today I was awakened to an old, and I mean, old, song:

Prayer is the key to heaven, but faith unlocks the door.  Words are so easily spoken, but prayer without faith is like a boat without an ore.

I used to sing it with my cousin when my feet wouldn't even touch the floor from the piano bench. And, needless to say, that's been a LONG time.

I knew this awakening was for more than a walk down memory lane, so I do what I do best and started googling the word faith.

Faith, prayer, trust....three, such simple, but at the same time, such complicated words. 

Here's what God was showing me this day.....I have trust in Him only to the level that I have faith in Him.

Ouch!

I love the way that God knows us so intricately.

On August 8, 2011, God quietly instructed me to memorize James 1.  I played at it, but never really made any big attempt at it.

Today, I look at it and see that it's primary lesson is on faith.

How much time have I wasted becoming who God wants me to be because of my procrastination.

How much time....

The Book

If you know much about me, at all, you know that I LOVE the book, Celebration of Discipline, by Richard Foster.

Well, the book I'm reading now and having been talking about over the last few posts is going to rank right up there with Celebration of Discipline for me.  I have a feeling God brought this to me, at this time, to change my life regarding the way I see my body, the way I see food, and how I choose to live in this and many other areas as well.

Proverbs 24:16: For though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again, but the wicked are brought down by calamity." 

Things...

I've never been a person that enjoyed reading the Bible. I know that sounds sacrilegious in someway, but I don't mean it like that.

I like learning about Jesus. I just like doing that through books. I know a lot of Bible stories, and I know a lot of scripture; maybe I'm just a little more ADD than I realized.

However today, I felt led (once again). This time I felt led to read Job. That seemed appropriate and I was stuck on an airplane anyway, so I thought I would give it a shot.

Wow!

God showed me two things while I was reading, but first a little "Reader's Digest" background of Job:

Job was faithful.

Satan says: "of course, he's faithful. He's healthy; he's wealthy; he has a great family; it's easy to be faithful when your life is like Job's."

God says: "ok. You can take his wealth and his family, but don't harm him."

So Satan does.

Thing #1 that stood out:

After Satan took Job's children, servants, and animals (wealth) this is what scripture says about Job.

Job 1:20: Then Job arose, tore his robe, and shaved his head; and fell to the ground AND WORSHIPED.

WORSHIPED! wHaT??? I L.O.V.E. that!

Then...

If you got the text that said "We lost. I can't talk" thank you for honoring that. To be honest, I felt a little guilty. You all had been so supportive of us, and now I don't want to talk to you?

Once again to Job and even more background.

Scripture says that Job was faithful after Satan took his wealth, his servants, his animals, and his children.

Satan says: "Of course, he's faithful. He still has his health."

God says: "You can take his health, but spare his life."

Scripture says that Satan then struck Job with painful boils from the soles of his feet to the crown of his head. Job's three friends heard about this and came to him.

Job 2:13 So they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great.

Now thing #2:

I can trust God AND grieve. I don't have to trust God OR grieve.

Of course, I know that, but in that moment, I had forgotten. I think God knew I had forgotten, so He gave me Job 2:13.

AND He, also, gave me friends that will come to me and sit with me, without speaking a word, and see me. I mean REALLY see me. and sit with me, REALLY sit with me.

Even when I say....I Can't Talk.

My Toenail Hurts

Have I ever said on this blog, or in any avenue of communication, how much I LOVE my Dad.

I'm stating RIGHT UP FRONT that this post does not diminish that love for him in ANY WAY!

When I was, hmmm, maybe fourteen, my Mom took me to the doctor with an ingrown toenail. The doctor said "it needs to come off" so Mom made the appointment. When we got home, my Dad had a different thought.

Mom/Me -" The toenail has to come off."

Dad - "No. That really hurts. If she doesn't want it to come off, she doesn't have too."

Me - "I don't want to do anything that hurts. (yay, Dad)"

Mom - "Okay, I'll cancel the appointment."

NOW, leap forward 37 years....

I laid on a massage table yesterday and could hardly stand to have my foot on the sheets because my toenail is ingrown and IT HURTS.

Every time I get a pedicure, the sweet pedicure person has to dig out my toenail while I wince and grab whoever is sitting in the chair next to me.

Lesson - have your toenail removed when the doctor says.

True Lesson - doing what's best for you sometimes hurts, but it will hurt a lot less in the long run.

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God has told me for some time now to block out one hour of prayer time a day. Have I done it? No, because it "hurts" my sleep time, my Facebook time, my Words with Friends time. The list could go on and on.

I have had the desire to try to do a Triathlon for YEARS, but I won't even get up to walk on the treadmill. Why? Because it hurts!

*************

I picked up an old book today, Prayerwalking, and found these lines interesting...

Oh, that d word: discipline. I've never liked it personally. We have met on occasions - with diets, short walks on exercise programs, and a prayer journal attempt or two. But life interfered with our acquaintance, and routines always fell by the wayside. Discipline simply stifles my spontaneity. Why if I were committed to various routines of discipline, I couldn't visit a friend or take my daughter shopping or watch the ducks flying the wrong way.

Just two years ago, I bit my fingernails to their nubs (oh by the way, I was biting my nails, as I read the book) my weight was taxing my back and my knees were giving way as I walked down stairs. I knew what I needed. I needed to exercise to get my strength back again. I also needed to pray - at length.

So she prayerwalks.

I like it, conceptually, of course.

For some reason, I bet the author's Dad didn't make her have her ingrown toenail removed either.

Test #2

I'm thinking about making this blog private, with only the certain people having access to it. It seems like I'm going to be processing some things in this season that I'm not sure I'm ready for the "internet world" to have out there - even if no one reads it.

So, here's my question. Who is reading this that got the email from me yesterday? Is anyone reading this that DIDN'T get the email from me yesterday?

It's Time For The Test!

There is a scripture that I've never liked much. It says: A double sided man is unstable in all his ways.

Another version says: Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.

I don't like to think of myself that way but here's the truth.....

I AM THAT WAY!

The good news is that it is not intentional or even conscious. But when I read back over this blog and look back over the years, it is definitely truth.

I believe God is saying to me, during this Lenten season:

Okay, Beth, this is it. This is where the rubber meets the road. I've allowed you to dance around this long enough. It's time, and it's a test.....a test you're ready for, a test I've prepared you for, but ultimately, it's YOUR test.

So here goes:

Lent is 40 days. God wants me to do something bigger. He wants 40 weeks. Forty weeks starting today will take me to December 1, 2012. If I lose the weight I'm supposed to in these 40 weeks, then I'm going to Uganda. If not, God won't allow it. Simple?

Simple.

He has a plan for me, but it's mine to chose if I allow it to manifest in my life.

No more "short term rules".

We're talking life change.

and we're talking NOW.

There is spiritual work, there is emotional work, and there is physical work to be done.

But this is it. My time has arrived. It's time for me to take charge of me. It's time to dig deep, really really DEEP. It's all come down to this. My training, my spiritual growth, my wisdom, my willingness to be obedient. It's time to take.the.test.

I NEVER say this to a client (well, almost never) but I have to admit, I do think it...if you will just do what I say, you will get better.

God is such a funny God......He's says to me......if you will just do what I say, you will get better.

I get it. I really do, and it's time!

Day: God SO Knows What He Is Doing

If I had kept going, and completed the 40 days, I would have finished two days ago. I would have had a five day "break" from my "break" from food, and then there would have been Ash Wednesday and I would have made a new commitment!

But instead I ate Doritos, got sick, quit, and have been MISERABLE ever since.

So today, I've been thinking about Lent and excited about a new 40-day potential to continue this, hmmmm, rebirth, so to speak.

Just reading over my blog made me sad. I wrote on Day 7 (January 15, 2012) that God has a plan for my life and that I give too much power to food AND guess what? THAT HASN'T CHANGED!

Here is what I know has happened since I stopped juicing...

1. I'm awake at 3:29 a.m. writing a post.
2. I've had acid reflux almost daily.
3. I've gained some weight back.
4. I'm spiritually disconnected.

I'm sure there are more. I only remember them when they are happening TO me.

SOOOO.....I'm back to juicing. I'm clear that IT.IS.THE.DOORWAY for me to let go of food and to let God have His way in my life.

Isaiah 40:28-31 Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary,and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.