Day, ummm, 17 ?

I'm getting confused about how many days I've done this.

I think that's, probably, a good thing. Either I'm nutrient deprived (which I'm not) or this isn't such the big deal that I thought it would be.

Don't get me wrong. I get that "the lack of big deal" is totally God. People don't just "not eat" for 17 days and forget. But I'm forgetting.

Another thing I'm becoming aware of....I go to bed hungry at night yet wake up full in the mornings.

I'm not scientifically savy enough to understand this (if it is science at all) but I'm amazed each morning when I open my eyes and expect to be S.T.A.R.V.I.N.G that I'm not. That just tells me that when this 40 days is over, I can go to bed less than stuffed and know that God is providing for me.

It gives a "hands-on" meaning to "His mercies are new each morning (Lamentations 3:23)."

Day 15

I'm kinda scared to say this out loud, but this is not that hard. Shhhh!

Not much to say today, except I'm on track after 15 days. I don't think I've ever stuck to anything for 15 day.

It must be G.O.D.

Day 14.....Realizations, 1-2-3

ONE...Sunday's are the hardest day for me to resist food. It is my favorite day of the week and the day I have the most fun with the hubby! I have realized through this fast, unfortunately, that the hubby and I connect A.L.O.T. with food. So needless to say, on the "NFL Championship Game" Sunday, food is a big topic at the Leftwich house.

I resisted well. It's funny when you decide "it's just not an option", the hunger isn't nearly as bad. So for me today, it just wasn't an option.

TWO...The brain works in strange ways. I've lost 11 lbs. and I'm disappointed. The strange thing is I'm disappointed because I lost 9 lbs. in week one and 2 lbs. in week two. Okay, hang with me on this one. If I had lost 5 lbs. in week one and 4 lbs. in week two, I wouldn't be disappointed. But 9 and 2????? after I chewed NOTHING and drank LITTLE! N.O.T. H.A.P.P.Y.

THREE...Hubby was recanting ALL the reasons, I shouldn't be fasting right now: We're keeping the grand kids, the Superbowl (see I told you we connect with food), etc. But I realized today that this is a great time for God to call me to fast.

I eat for comfort, and it would be easy to eat my tiredness away while helping with the kids.

I eat for connection and having the three little ones here for several weeks would, definitely, be a reason to have fun with food.

I eat for celebration. Even without the Titans in the Super Bowl, I'm sure I could find a reason to use food to celebrate some touchdown or field goal regardless of which team scores.

So, as usual, God is doing for me what I could not do for myself.

And because of that I feel comforted (by the Great Comforter), connected (to the Great Healer), and therefore I celebrate (all without food).

Day 12 - Doing The Math

I haven't blogged in a few days. To catch up in two sentences...Days 8, 9 and 10 were H.A.R.D. I was H.U.N.G.R.Y.

I'm not quiet sure whether it was true, physical hunger or still that desire to just have something to chew in my mouth. Either way, days 11 and 12 have been much easier.

After a discussion with my "partner in crime" in this endeavor, I realize MORE THAN EVER that for me, this is such a spiritual journey. I have spent so many years trying to figure this food thing out, trying to manage it, control it, manipulate it; actually, thinking that God would do his part but I had to do mine (which meant that I had to do it).

This is the FIRST time EVER that I understand the word

P O W E R LE S S N E S S

the way that, I truly believe, it was intended to be used as a follower of Christ.

While I teach this concept daily and believe it when I'm teaching it, when it came to me personally, it was a different ballgame. I now see that I felt weak or somehow irresponsible if I was "not able to handle it", make it happen, etc.

God has shown me, through this process, what it truly means to

S U R R E N D E R

and the mathematical equation isn't that tough.

God is 100% in control. I am 0% in control.

I don't have to have a plan. I don't need a plan. I don't have to figure it out. I don't have to do ANY THING!

This scripture has never resonated with me the way it has in this process:

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:14

I don't know why God has chosen this time, this season, to show me that kind of mercy, but He has and I'm grateful.

Day 9 - Noticing

I think I'm wanting to manipulate the process AND since I don't want to manipulate the process, I'm zoning out a little. At least that's what I think but it's hard to say since I'm zoning out.

Days 8 and 9 were H.A.R.D.

Rumor has it that Day 10 gets easier. I'm off work today so we'll see.

I know that I'm more tired than usual. The question is...Am I tired because I'm not getting as much nutrition or is it because I'm not using food when I'm tired?

I'm going to put a little more structure around my juicing to see how that works. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks.

Is a "juice snack" an oxymoron?

Beginning to play around with it a little...

Tomorrow 1/4 of the way there! I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Day 8 - Distracted...

Day 8 has been the toughest so far. I'm beginning to feel hungry. I'm tired. I want to taste food, real, stick to my teeth, need floss, kind of food.

I'm becoming too focused on what I'm going to juice and how much weight I've lost.

THAT WAS NOT THE PURPOSE OF THIS FAST.

I have felt God's prompting that tomorrow is water only!

Distracted....

Day 7 - Donald and Daffy

As I wrote earlier, Day 6 was a blur. We were B.U.S.Y. with three of the grandchildren that we are helping take care of while Amber and Nathan are in Ukraine getting grandchild #7.

(The three kiddo's - not the ducks, but the people)

Day 7 was just as much of a blur but for different reasons. The kiddo's went to Deda's after church, so we had the rest of the day to ourselves.

It was my first "down day" since I've started the fast, and what goes with down days: FOOD....sorta like birds of a feather, Donald and Daffy, peanut butter and jelly (pardon the food pun), Samson and Delilah.....well, you get the drift.

But I didn't cheat. However, I went to bed at 7:00 p.m. (I did have the thought that maybe I eat when I'm tired verses sleeping when I'm tired - brilliant, huh?)

Some things I've learned....

(1) Food only has as much power over me as I give it (and I've given it A LOT of power).
(2) If I live too far in the future, I get anxious and conning (I start to manipulate the process).
(3) God has a plan for my life that I can't EVEN begin to comprehend if I will just let it unfold.
(4) When I'm not eating, I crave healthy things like fish, salad, sushi. When I am eating, I crave unhealthy things like milkshakes, Krystals, pizza.
(5) This process is forcing me to live in the present and I'm MUCH more at peace living in the present.

I'm actually going to an exercise class tomorrow night, Devoted Fitness, and I'm excited. For the record, I DON'T get excited about exercises classes! So, thank you, Jesus, for doing in me what I cannot do for myself.